Today marks the 31st year of Robison's life. Only 9 more before Cthulhu comes to recruit... MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I mean... Happy birthday!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Why Robison lacks "N"
"You know I'm sensitive about not having an N in my name. My great grandfather lost it in a bet and never got it back."
And this is what he claims. Little does everyone else know that it was THIS Robison that had the "N," and he actually SOLD the N for drug money when he was in Lisbon. On his mission and everything.
True fact.
And this is what he claims. Little does everyone else know that it was THIS Robison that had the "N," and he actually SOLD the N for drug money when he was in Lisbon. On his mission and everything.
True fact.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Robison's Fate, part II
He made the right choice and edited my papers today. Excellent.
Although now he's gotten himself into a whole new world of trouble... ladies and gentlemen, the unwinnable level of hell known as "birdman."
Although now he's gotten himself into a whole new world of trouble... ladies and gentlemen, the unwinnable level of hell known as "birdman."
Robison's Fate
Today he was requested to write both a letter of reccommendation for my college and correct my current college essays. The thing is, those essays must be edited before 3 tomorrow because of DEADLINES. Deadlines were invented by God- my dad would never invent such a thing... procrastinating was invented by him for a reason, you know?
Here was my email to him:
Dear Mr. Robison,
Here was my email to him:
University of California Essays and How Haley is going to bug you about it
Dear Mr. Robison,
These are my UC essays. I need you to edit them for punctuation, tense, grammar, etc. Some time tomorrow before 3. If you don't, I will write another entry in my Satan blog about you. This week is Cthulhu's tentacles week in the glorious name of Saaattaaaaannnnn :D
Thank you,
Haley
Make your choice, Robison, the ball is in your court.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Robison-isms
"Hello SATAN!" (Anytime he sees me)
"Omnipotent is all powerful. Like my mom."
"And then my high school guidance counselor told me I couldn't be Indiana Jones when I grew up. He was a jerk."
"If you murdered someone in class you'd probably lose participation points."
"IF THERE IS A STAPLER HELL I HOPE YOU GO TO IT!"
"What class will I be taking from you? Douchebag 101?"
"Your guts are fine. It's your face I can't stand."
"Are you suggesting I disrobe?"
"There was a mormon at a taco bell on a sunday? Jack mormon."
"I've never heard a mormon talk like that. Where were you, South Texas?"
"You kids and your rock 'n' roll."
"Did you mean date = sex? Is that what you want to know about? Cause in my mind date ≠ sex."
"I'd listen to Coldplay, but I'm not gay. Wait... that was horrible. I have no problems with gay people, they're cool."
"I use to have really bad OCD. Every night before bed I would have to check the oven to see if I turned it off, the iron, close all my windows and check several times that they were locked."
"I'm better now, because my wife liked to mess with me. I'd be all comfortable in bed, and suddenly, 'Did I leave the oven on? I just used it... nah, I turned it off, it's fine.' Then of course, 'GODDAMIT!' I have to go check."
"The moon is my mother. We haven't talked in a while."
"Omnipotent is all powerful. Like my mom."
"And then my high school guidance counselor told me I couldn't be Indiana Jones when I grew up. He was a jerk."
"If you murdered someone in class you'd probably lose participation points."
"IF THERE IS A STAPLER HELL I HOPE YOU GO TO IT!"
"What class will I be taking from you? Douchebag 101?"
"Your guts are fine. It's your face I can't stand."
"Are you suggesting I disrobe?"
"There was a mormon at a taco bell on a sunday? Jack mormon."
"I've never heard a mormon talk like that. Where were you, South Texas?"
"You kids and your rock 'n' roll."
"Did you mean date = sex? Is that what you want to know about? Cause in my mind date ≠ sex."
"I'd listen to Coldplay, but I'm not gay. Wait... that was horrible. I have no problems with gay people, they're cool."
"I use to have really bad OCD. Every night before bed I would have to check the oven to see if I turned it off, the iron, close all my windows and check several times that they were locked."
"I'm better now, because my wife liked to mess with me. I'd be all comfortable in bed, and suddenly, 'Did I leave the oven on? I just used it... nah, I turned it off, it's fine.' Then of course, 'GODDAMIT!' I have to go check."
"The moon is my mother. We haven't talked in a while."
50 ways to skin a cat...
1. Showing it Robison's face
2. Putting it in Robison's class
3. Making it live with Robison
4. Feeding it food Robison has prepared
5. Letting Robison kiss it goodnight
6. Letting Robison pet it
7. Having it help Robison pass out LDS texts
8. Having it join the LDS church in Robison's name
9. Making it work for Robison
10. Having Robison teach it how to skin a cat
11. Letting Robison skin it
12. Having Robison lecture it
13. Letting it watch Robison eat
14. Helping it cross the street... with Robison
15. Trying to get it to teach Robison how to drink
16. Making it wear clothes Robison has
17. Making it wear clothes that Robison has MADE
18. Making it sleep on Robison's toxic bed
19. Making it listen to Robison go on about zombies
20. Having it think about Robison's track life
21. Listening to Robison talk about how he skinned a cat
22. Listening to Robison talk about he dissected lots of animals in highschool
23. Listening to Robison talk about the dead cat
24. Listening to Robison talk about throwing the dead cat skin on a girl in his zoology class
25. Listening to Robison talk about his zoology class in which he did all this
26. Have Robison bite the cat
27. Have Robison lick the cat
28. Have Robison stroke the cat
29. Have Rosison do debauturous thing to the cat
30. Have Robison hit on the cat
31. You know he would
32. Have Robison read his poetry to it
33. Have Robison show it one of his powerpoints
34. Have Robison ask it to describe it's first kiss
35. Have Robison describe his first date ≠ sex
36. Have Robison tell it about the glory of celibacy
37. Have Robison tell it about the glory of never taking a drink
38. Have it slip Robison some accidental gin
39. And possibly a rufie
40. Have Robison describe Glenn Beck (it's actually rather hilarious)
41. Read the Necronomicon to Robison, and have him run away in fear, and make the cat witness it
42. Teach the cat to chant in the glorious name of Satan (aka Robison)
43. Get the cat suspended, and make it live with Robison, without internet
44. Make it listen to techno (yes, this one ISN'T about Robison)
45. Expose it to Robison's old, evil dog that wasn't meant to be a pet, it was meant to protect sheep
46. Having Robison tell about the traumatic story that followed that dog...
47. Have him talk about collective human memory
48. Have him talk about specific detail
49. Just having him around, really. Poor cat.
50. In lieu of a Robison, I suppose you could just use a knife of some sort
2. Putting it in Robison's class
3. Making it live with Robison
4. Feeding it food Robison has prepared
5. Letting Robison kiss it goodnight
6. Letting Robison pet it
7. Having it help Robison pass out LDS texts
8. Having it join the LDS church in Robison's name
9. Making it work for Robison
10. Having Robison teach it how to skin a cat
11. Letting Robison skin it
12. Having Robison lecture it
13. Letting it watch Robison eat
14. Helping it cross the street... with Robison
15. Trying to get it to teach Robison how to drink
16. Making it wear clothes Robison has
17. Making it wear clothes that Robison has MADE
18. Making it sleep on Robison's toxic bed
19. Making it listen to Robison go on about zombies
20. Having it think about Robison's track life
21. Listening to Robison talk about how he skinned a cat
22. Listening to Robison talk about he dissected lots of animals in highschool
23. Listening to Robison talk about the dead cat
24. Listening to Robison talk about throwing the dead cat skin on a girl in his zoology class
25. Listening to Robison talk about his zoology class in which he did all this
26. Have Robison bite the cat
27. Have Robison lick the cat
28. Have Robison stroke the cat
29. Have Rosison do debauturous thing to the cat
30. Have Robison hit on the cat
31. You know he would
32. Have Robison read his poetry to it
33. Have Robison show it one of his powerpoints
34. Have Robison ask it to describe it's first kiss
35. Have Robison describe his first date ≠ sex
36. Have Robison tell it about the glory of celibacy
37. Have Robison tell it about the glory of never taking a drink
38. Have it slip Robison some accidental gin
39. And possibly a rufie
40. Have Robison describe Glenn Beck (it's actually rather hilarious)
41. Read the Necronomicon to Robison, and have him run away in fear, and make the cat witness it
42. Teach the cat to chant in the glorious name of Satan (aka Robison)
43. Get the cat suspended, and make it live with Robison, without internet
44. Make it listen to techno (yes, this one ISN'T about Robison)
45. Expose it to Robison's old, evil dog that wasn't meant to be a pet, it was meant to protect sheep
46. Having Robison tell about the traumatic story that followed that dog...
47. Have him talk about collective human memory
48. Have him talk about specific detail
49. Just having him around, really. Poor cat.
50. In lieu of a Robison, I suppose you could just use a knife of some sort
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